 | Premarital counseling is an important step for two people making a decision to enter into a love covenant. I think it important to let the couple know the risks, be lead developing boundaries and values and offering solutions for the coming years. |
The Topics of Pre Marriage Counseling
Foundations of premarital counseling should include leading the couple in discussion of what is love and what is covenant. It is important to ask questions on what the couple believes. This is the ground in which you can enforce and create the biblical boundaries that love covenants call for.
Love Covenant
Marriage is not an opportunity to become the center of attention in a ceremony. Marriage is not a status symbol nor something a woman or man be demanded to do. Marriage is the intention of two people to commit their lives and create an environment that promotes each member to become more in the image of God. Covenant is something that holds the family together when life seems to fall apart. Covenant is sealing our intent to a direct path to God and to live for him. Covenant holds us and our faith when we can’t hold it ourselves. A love covenant is state of being a family enters to be govern by the conditions of God’s own love and to emulate it to each other and to the world. Love covenant is based on accepting God’s authority and creating boundaries that respect and protect one another.
Submission
God created woman as a suitable helper (ezer//עֵ֫זֶר) for Adam. This word, helper in the English language has caused us to infer the meaning of helper as subservient. It is important to note that the word God uses “helper” is the same word that is used in Psalm 70:5 “ But I am poor and needy: make haste unto me, O God: thou art my help and my deliverer; O Lord, make no tarrying” It is certain that God is not our lesser, helper right? This is important to keep in mind as we understand the biblical role of submission. Without a healthy view of submission, we will be in competition with each other and won’t have unity needed to foster love, respect and vibrant mental and spiritual growth. Submission is the “emptying of oneself as Jesus did when he took on the form of a servant.” If we are constantly asking internally, am I making this about me? Am I only considering my needs or wants? Then submission becomes a catalyst for a healthy marriage.
Past
Anytime a couple desires to marry, it is always good to give their past an opportunity to be aired out. Whether it is intentionally or not, our family of origin’s socioculturally conditioning has already taught us the “rules” of mariatal roles. We often don’t discover them until its too late or in a middle of a complicated conflict. I believe the role of genograms and getting the couple to talk about their past is important in premarital counseling.
Present
An engaged couple are oftentimes naïve and ideological. They haven’t yet or are shy about bringing up issues or discussions that could be contentious. It is important that each couple be lead in discussing roles, finances, how often they want to have sex, how to make decisions, etc. It is important the couple be lead, entering the marriage sober minded.
Future
It is also important for the couple to be lead on developing a mission statement and goals for the future. Couples are dreamy and often hold ideological views without tangible plans. Waiting until being married to develop these statements and goals for the future can cause dangerous tension in a marriage.
Money
It is wise to counsel the way the couple decides to view finances in an entirely specific session. The couple should be questioned on how they have handled money in the past and how the intend to merge their finances together. They should also include intentional statements and goals they would like to make for their financial future and take the steps necessary.
Handling the Star Crossed Lovers
I believe any couple that thinks that their situation or their love is “stronger than any others” and do not need to follow the advice of a marriage counselor should be a red flag.
Couples that refuse to partake in submitting to wise counsel will definatly refuse to submit to one another. I do believe as a counselor or pastor doing the premarital counseling should in love, confront a star crossed lover of this reality. It is important to encourage them in understanding what a love covenant is and how to maintain it.
It is very important that as a new couple embarks on a love covenant that they show the appropriate level of maturity. Marriage was the first commission of creation given to humans by God and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Marriage has a powerful potential to creating the next generation of people in the image of God. Pre-marital counseling is a must and will help the couple prepare for an effective and lasting marriage.
Foundations of premarital counseling should include leading the couple in discussion of what is love and what is covenant. It is important to ask questions on what the couple believes. This is the ground in which you can enforce and create the biblical boundaries that love covenants call for.
Love Covenant
Marriage is not an opportunity to become the center of attention in a ceremony. Marriage is not a status symbol nor something a woman or man be demanded to do. Marriage is the intention of two people to commit their lives and create an environment that promotes each member to become more in the image of God. Covenant is something that holds the family together when life seems to fall apart. Covenant is sealing our intent to a direct path to God and to live for him. Covenant holds us and our faith when we can’t hold it ourselves. A love covenant is state of being a family enters to be govern by the conditions of God’s own love and to emulate it to each other and to the world. Love covenant is based on accepting God’s authority and creating boundaries that respect and protect one another.
Submission
God created woman as a suitable helper (ezer//עֵ֫זֶר) for Adam. This word, helper in the English language has caused us to infer the meaning of helper as subservient. It is important to note that the word God uses “helper” is the same word that is used in Psalm 70:5 “ But I am poor and needy: make haste unto me, O God: thou art my help and my deliverer; O Lord, make no tarrying” It is certain that God is not our lesser, helper right? This is important to keep in mind as we understand the biblical role of submission. Without a healthy view of submission, we will be in competition with each other and won’t have unity needed to foster love, respect and vibrant mental and spiritual growth. Submission is the “emptying of oneself as Jesus did when he took on the form of a servant.” If we are constantly asking internally, am I making this about me? Am I only considering my needs or wants? Then submission becomes a catalyst for a healthy marriage.
Past
Anytime a couple desires to marry, it is always good to give their past an opportunity to be aired out. Whether it is intentionally or not, our family of origin’s socioculturally conditioning has already taught us the “rules” of mariatal roles. We often don’t discover them until its too late or in a middle of a complicated conflict. I believe the role of genograms and getting the couple to talk about their past is important in premarital counseling.
Present
An engaged couple are oftentimes naïve and ideological. They haven’t yet or are shy about bringing up issues or discussions that could be contentious. It is important that each couple be lead in discussing roles, finances, how often they want to have sex, how to make decisions, etc. It is important the couple be lead, entering the marriage sober minded.
Future
It is also important for the couple to be lead on developing a mission statement and goals for the future. Couples are dreamy and often hold ideological views without tangible plans. Waiting until being married to develop these statements and goals for the future can cause dangerous tension in a marriage.
Money
It is wise to counsel the way the couple decides to view finances in an entirely specific session. The couple should be questioned on how they have handled money in the past and how the intend to merge their finances together. They should also include intentional statements and goals they would like to make for their financial future and take the steps necessary.
Handling the Star Crossed Lovers
I believe any couple that thinks that their situation or their love is “stronger than any others” and do not need to follow the advice of a marriage counselor should be a red flag.
Couples that refuse to partake in submitting to wise counsel will definatly refuse to submit to one another. I do believe as a counselor or pastor doing the premarital counseling should in love, confront a star crossed lover of this reality. It is important to encourage them in understanding what a love covenant is and how to maintain it.
It is very important that as a new couple embarks on a love covenant that they show the appropriate level of maturity. Marriage was the first commission of creation given to humans by God and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Marriage has a powerful potential to creating the next generation of people in the image of God. Pre-marital counseling is a must and will help the couple prepare for an effective and lasting marriage.
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