By Jeff McAffee
Jesus had gone out to pray early in the morning. It was still dark. Jesus had snuck off somewhere to be alone while He prayed, before the day had begun. Though He was up late the night before ministering to the throngs of people who lived in Capernaum, fatigue would not stop Him from getting time alone with His Father. Jesus knew the day ahead would not be possible without it. 

This is a great model of prayer. The story in Mark 1 tells us that when Peter and the others found Jesus, they exclaimed, “Everyone’s looking for you!” Evidently, the stir from the stir from the night before carried over to the morning. The town was set ablaze and everyone was searching for the Healer. 

Jesus was faced with a serious dilemma; should He return to the ‘everyone’ searching for Him in Capernaum or should He continue His ministry on to other villages in Galilee to fulfill the reason for which He came. Either choice held great consequences.

What would you do? Would you go back to Capernaum or would you move on to the other cities? It’s not an easy choice to make. This is a dilemma for all pastors. How do you choose the right thing to do when you’re needed in more than one place? It’s a fool’s choice, it seems, because no matter what you do, the fear is that somebody’s going to be let down. 

Jesus knew exactly what to do. Without hesitation. How was this possible? The answer is prayer. Jesus was a praying man. Prayer is the place where wisdom is conceived and wisdom is the gift of always knowing what to do.

Wisdom has a name. It’s the Holy Spirit. But, here is where Pentecostals need to be careful. The Holy Spirit will not receive prayers asking for wisdom because the Holy Spirit doesn’t receive prayer at all. There is no place in Scripture where we are exhorted to pray to the Holy Spirit. On the contrary, the Scriptures teach the Holy Spirit testifies about Jesus Christ (John 15:26). The Holy Spirit points people to Jesus Christ, never to Himself. Ironically, sometimes Pentecostals can over-prioritize the ministry of the Holy Spirit, and in so doing, because very un-Pentecostal. 

The secret to always knowing what to do is keeping Jesus Christ first and foremost in your life through an established, fervent presence of prayer. The very heart of being a Pentecostal pastor is keeping Jesus Christ front and center of one’s being. When Jesus is first, wisdom follows, and with that, the gift of always knowing what to do.

​“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV 1984)
 
“…My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Cor 12:9 (NIV 1984)
 
There is this familiar feeling that sweeps over me at the most unexpected times.  It used to be crushing and stabbing.  Now, it is just a twinge to remind me of God’s ever surpassing grace.   It is the realization that my original plan was not God’s plan.
 
We all struggle with this realization at some point in our journey with God.  For the special needs parent, it can be a cycle of grief, joy, and grace that few understand.  I am hoping that sharing a few pieces of our experience would give other ministry leaders insight that may help you, and the biblical community you lead, to embrace the gift of journeying with special needs families. 
 
I have five totally amazing children, ranging in age from 24 to 8.  They are an absolute gift to me – every one of them.  I emphasize that because, as any parent will tell you, every child is unique and brings their own strengths and challenges with them to your family system.  In our case, I emphasize this all the more because our two youngest children have a variety of ongoing special needs between them including Tourette Syndrome, progressive sensorineural hearing loss, sensory processing disorder, dyslexia, specific learning disabilities in written and expressive language, reading, and math, dysgraphia, late effects of a mild traumatic brain injury, dysthymia, suspected high functioning autism (the doctors keep debating this one), and all the self-regulation and self-image issues that accompany all of these.  Just for kicks - throw in that our third child also has Tourette Syndrome and that the other two also have recognizable motor tic disorder.  While, with the first three children it does not affect them much, it still produces a lurking vigilance within me with every odd movement wondering if it burst into a full-blown episode that could debilitate them.  Add onto that an extra tidbit that I also have moderate to severe progressive sensorineural hearing loss to deal with on a personal level.
 
Is your head spinning yet?  I know mine is! 
 
This was not my plan.
 
God, how could this be your plan?
 
My husband and I found ourselves quite unexpectedly on this journey into the world of special needs once our two youngest boys, Peter and Andy, started to fall behind developmentally.  We kept just slowly moving forward like everything was fairly normal, thinking they were just a little behind, a little quirky in their personalities maybe, and that they would ‘outgrow’ it if we just waited it all out.  We did what needed to be done.   Early intervention screenings, speech therapy, and never missed a well-child checkup.  The pediatricians did the same.  “Don’t worry.  They will likely outgrow this stage.” Or the familiar line – “Don’t worry they are not talking much.  You have five kids!  Their siblings are talking for them.”  How do I argue with that?
 
Then when Peter hit first grade (age 6) everything came to a screeching halt.  It became obvious that he was not comprehending the school work the way others were, even the sounds spoken.  I became very suspicious of how he was processing information.  I am a nurse and systematically worked through my checklist of things.  Pediatrician. Teachers. Optometrist. Audiologist.  This is when everything came crashing down.  It is a LONG story – too long to give every detail.  I will give you highlights.  When we hit the fourth audiology specialist she sat us down and explained in detail what she felt was going on with Peter’s hearing and processing.  The news she gave us was downright devastating (I literally went home and became ill.)  She also added that he needed an MRI to rule out any kind of brain tumor blocking signals.  Shortly after this, while waiting for his MRI date, Peter started having all these strange movements and they kept getting worse every day.  My boy went from “normal” to jerking all around within days.  We live in Montana and literally no one knew what was happening with him.  This started our journey for the past 3 ½  years.  We have traveled thousands of miles, hours and hours in the car, all over Montana (and let me tell you – it is a big state!), Utah, and even to the far eastern end of South Dakota (a stone’s throw to Iowa) till all Peter’s diagnoses were sorted out.  We have had multiple specialists deciphering differing opinions, and multiple misdiagnoses along the way.
 
In the background of all this, we saw some similar and some completely different issues with our son Andy as well.  We knew we would have to start a similar journey figuring out Andy, but overall, our family had found some kind of “new normal”.  Then one day, literally out of nowhere, our daughter, Mary, started having a vocal tic where she would gasp as she breathed inward.  It became severe within a matter of hours, and soon was accompanied by severe motor tics.  Mary had long had small motor tics that were never really an issue.  She was a healthy, active, normal 7th grade girl.  In a matter of days, she became debilitated by the tics.  She could barely eat without aspirating as she gasped in every 3-4 seconds, and her jerking movements were so severe that we were afraid she would hurt herself.  We immediately got her to the pediatrician, and consulted with the pediatric neurologist (who is five hours away – remember it’s Montana). 
 
Mary was started on a medicine to try and help reduce the tics.  If you are not familiar with Tourette Syndrome (beyond the familiar, but not so common in reality ways it is portrayed on TV) let me share with you that it is a neuro-biologic, neuro-developmental, and neuro-psychological condition with a genetic component.  The specific genes have not been fully identified yet, but research continues to identify the exact genomes.  There is no cure for Tourette, and there are no medications that are labeled specifically for Tourette.  All medication strategies are “off-label” ones that physicians have found can help with the tics.  Coprolalia, or swearing tics (often seen on TV shows as a joke), thankfully only occur in about 10-15%  of cases of Tourette. (You can find out more about Tourette Syndrome here.)
 
The medication helped slightly with the tics, but the side-effects made matters worse as she was dizzy, weak, and had headaches from it.  Mary was devastated.  There is nothing as heart wrenching as holding your daughter while she cries and begs God to take away something you know you cannot cure, and no doctor can cure.  It is not a disease that would kill her.  I knew that, and believe me I was thankful because there are so many precious families that have that struggle to cope with as well.  That did not make Mary’s anguish in this situation go away though. Nor does it for my boys when they cry in my arms on their particularly bad days either. As a parent, you naturally want to fix it.  I cannot fix this.  I cannot take this anguish from them, and that crushes me.
 
So where is God in all of this?  And…where is His church in all of this? 
 
I can say now, having walked in this for some time, that God is all around us, holding us, guiding us, reassuring us, and teaching us.
 
My husband is a Pastor and we moved to Montana about 6 ½ years ago following the Lord in ministry.  We seriously almost quit ministry during this time thinking we had to go back east to get access to the care our children needed.  God stopped us at every turn; he slammed shut every door, and gave us no peace even when we tried to pry doors open with what we thought in our minds would be the best solution. When we surrendered to him and his will, conceded that yes – you know best Lord – then he gave us peace.  I have never regretted our decision to stay here, and have become quite the organized, long-haul, car traveling mom!  God has been way ahead of us every step of the way.  With each diagnosis that didn’t seem right, God would give me a leading of what to do next.   Now I know, with no doubt, that with every single thing I can trust him.  I can trust God with leading me to the right specialist, helping me with school IEP plans, putting amazing teachers and school administrators in our lives, handling the times the kids are distraught, helping me cope on bad days, and giving provision for the ever-mounting expenses that accompany all of this. 
 
For us, our church walked this journey with us.  In the beginning of it we tried to hide what was going on with the boys because the behaviors that accompany their challenges just appeared like “bad” behavior.  Once we hit that crushing point with Peter at age 6 though, we knew we needed our biblical community more than ever.  We were so thankful that they came on this journey with us.  They prayed with us and for us, wept with us, cared for us in the very dark times, rejoiced with us in the good times, learned with us as answers were found.  They became a part of our special needs family.  Our church congregation is very small.  For the small size of our church, it is unreal how many special needs children are in our congregation.  My husband and I joke to each other that it is like we attract special needs families!  It is true though, maybe because they see we understand something.  We do not have tons of resources.  Our church building is very old and not even fully handicapped accessible in all areas (something that totally grieves us, and we are working on it slowly with any finances that become available) Despite that, we have been able to connect on a level of unique understanding with other families.  Our kids are not all the same.  Their special needs are not the same, yet we all share this common journey. 
 
Our COG leadership was not afraid to embrace the situation we found ourselves in once we opened up about everything.  In those early years, when we did not realize what exactly was going on with the boys, we did face some judgment that they were just poorly behaved (or that was our perception).  Once we realized what was happening, and became transparent with our leadership, that judgment feeling disappeared entirely.  Knowing the situation is the key.  People cannot understand what they do not know.  You must educate people about these challenges.  They embraced our family entirely.  They prayed with us, and wept with us, and celebrated with us too.  They also gave some tangible help with finances for some of the things Peter has needed along the way.  Most importantly, they were not afraid to pray for guidance when guidance was needed, and healing too.  Our youth director did not shy away from praying for healing at a regional event, and it brought Mary some temporary remission.  Then about a month later, at our Montana Camp Meeting last year, when Mary was in the depths of her devastating bout of Tourette’s she went up for prayer.  Some leaders may have chosen to avoid such a touchy subject.  After all, there were plenty of people praying over Mary at that moment, us included.  Our Regional Bishop though was not afraid to pray with everyone for Mary’s healing in that forum. We are so thankful for his leadership!
 
God did deliver Mary from those devastating tics that very night, that very moment!  I believe the Lord took that from Mary because it was too much for her.  She still has some small things, but nothing like before.  She regained her strength in the months that followed and has returned to her “normal” life.  I believe God showed all of us what he needed us to learn through Mary’s struggle, and he is going to use that experience in her life in incredible ways.  Mary already has shared what it was like for her to experience that in a video we made for school personnel to understand Tourette Syndrome better; this helps her brothers in a unique way because Mary was old enough to express things they could not.  She believes God wants her to become a doctor and has begun planning her high school course selections with a medical prep college program in mind.  She also shares her experience with how the church responded to her experience in this video.  Our boys continue to struggle, but we know with God they will overcome and do amazing things.
 
So back to explaining that feeling that sweeps over me.  It is the twinge of pain of losing what I expected our family would be like, what our life would be like, what our kids would achieve, what our normal would be.  The worry of how they will function in society as adults, and if they will be able to live on their own one day.  Unexpected things that make me twinge can be anything.  It could be walking into the school and seeing all the neurotypical kids ready to practice a school play, knowing that my boys just couldn’t handle it.  It could be swiping through social media with everyone posting their children’s great academic achievements of the quarter (and no I don’t expect you not to – I do it too for my more neurotypical kids).  It could be glancing out the window and seeing my kid in the school yard standing alone.  It could be sitting in an IEP meeting hearing the reality of where my kids are in their school situations.  It could be (and has been) sitting at the T-ball game and seeing all the other kids trying to play the game while my boys are in the outer part of the field making dirt-angels (or snow angels – remember it’s Montana) and picking at blades of grass.  It could be sitting in the movie theater, all having fun, and then when it gets quiet looking over at the boys and hearing and seeing them tic.  It could be enduring the after-school inevitable meltdown because they have held it together all day.  It could be in church when I see my children’s leader frazzled by the challenging time she had with the boys that morning.  It could be when my husband texts me in the morning and says, “celebrate cheesy eggs with me” (meaning that our one son with sensory food issues actually ate something different, and a food that was touching another food). 
 
It's the twinge.  The thorn in my flesh.  I am thankful for it now.  I am blessed beyond measure. 
Why? Because His grace is sufficient. 
My perspective will never be the same.
That is the gift these special boys bring to everyone who dares to journey with them, and with us.
I will never be the same. 
 
If you dare to have your church embrace special needs families, know these facts:
His grace will be sufficient.
Your perspective will never be the same.
It will all be a gift to your biblical community.
 
Dare to do it.
 
Journey with them.  Cry with them. Celebrate cheesy eggs with them.
 
You will never be the same, and you won’t regret it.
 
 
 
 
Marcy Steffy

Recently someone asked me,

"Could you imagine the King of Kings washing your feet?"

That is something to think about isn't it? Especially when you consider the context of feet washing in their day. It was one of the most menial tasks for the servant who got all the jobs no one else wanted to do. People's main mode of travel was walking. Some would have donkeys, camels or horses, but most could not afford them, so they walked. They did not have nice paved sidewalks to walk along; it was dry dusty roads often covered by dung from the wealthier travelers' donkeys, camels and horses. The nasty dust and dirt from the roads would cling to the sweaty feet of the travelers. Keep in mind that they did not wear Nike shoes with comfy socks to absorb the sweat.

It was so important to have their feet washed. Especially as you consider how they sat for dinner. They did not sit at dinner tables with high chairs like we have today. They would sit on the floor at lower tables so their feet would be right next to the guest next to them. How nasty that would be to not have your feet washed. This is the context and setting when Jesus, the King of Kings, took the opportunity to show his disciples the heart of a true servant. How powerfully humbling that would have been. Smelling the nasty sweaty feet as you sat down to eat dinner and knowing that you were too prideful to humble yourself to serve. And then Jesus, the King of Kings, washing their feet one by one. Wow! Jesus was secure enough to serve. It says in John 13:3-5,

"Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4 so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5 After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him."

Jesus was secure enough in his identity to stoop down and do the most menial task, wash feet. When we think about the “dirty” jobs or jobs we feel are not important what comes to mind? Serving in the nursery or preschool at church? Volunteering to show up to property workday or work all week at Vacation Bible School? Cleaning the restrooms? How about the “dirty jobs” at home? Loving your wife by cleaning the bathroom or doing the dishes? Helping your son or daughter with that art project? Taking out the trash without being reminded too?
​
We need to follow in Christ's footsteps and know who we are in him and commit to a lifestyle of servant hood. Those who desire to be great in the kingdom of God will voluntarily choose to be a servant and will look out for the interest of others. Many of us say we want to be like Jesus. However, when we say this, do we have in mind that Jesus did the dirty jobs?

-Chris Knipp                                                                                                              

This scripture is all too familiar for many of us who grew up in the church, as the passage that taught us in Sunday school about doubting Thomas.  Personally, I think Thomas gets a bad rap.  Everyone doubted.  Thomas just had to wait an extra eight days to be given the privilege to see Jesus just like the others had.  After all, we read about Mary Magdalene who thought she was speaking to the gardener when in fact she was speaking to Jesus (20:15-16).  That same day, Mary Magdalene tell the disciples who were hiding in the upper room that she saw Jesus (20:18).  As the doors were locked, Jesus appears before the disciples stating “peace be with you” (20:20).   Without being asked, Jesus shows the disciples his pierced hands and side.  After seeing this is when they rejoiced because they just saw the resurrected Messiah (20:19-20).
            Then enters Thomas.  We read that Thomas was not present when Jesus stood before the disciples the first time.  In their excitement, the other disciples told Thomas how they saw Jesus.  Although not documented, one can go with the idea that they told Thomas how Jesus showed them His pierced hands and side.  From this, Thomas proclaims, “Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe.” (20:25 ESV).  During this time of crisis, I think Thomas felt “ripped off” that he was not present when Jesus appeared before the disciples the first time.  This prompted him to exclaim his displeasure. 
            Eight days pass and we read that Jesus appears again before the disciples, who locked themselves in the upper room for fear of the Jews.  This time Jesus seeks out Thomas.  Jesus tells Thomas to reach out and touch His pierced hands and pierced side and not to disbelieve but to believe (20:26-27).  At this Thomas exclaims “My Lord and my God!” (20:28). This exclamation is a beautiful proclamation that Jesus is God! 
              Jesus used the imagery of his pierced hands, and the stab wound in His side, to prove to the disciples that He is indeed the resurrected Messiah.  He is the one who was crucified.  He is the very same Jesus who was flogged and nailed to the cross.  He is the one who fulfilled the prophecies, and that He is the one who was pierced (Zech. 12:10, Isa. 53:5).  He is the very same Jesus who told the disciples that he would be killed and three days later would raise from the dead (Mark 9:30-32).   Jesus used the imagery of His pierced hands and stab wound to help all of the disciples move from disbelief to belief.  Jesus offering for Thomas to reach out and touch His wounds was a request granted.  This granted request helped to strengthen Thomas’s faith in Christ. This act helped Thomas turn his unbelief into belief.  The witnessed imagery of Jesus’s pierced hands and stab wound on His side gave the disciples a testimony to share with those who they come into contact with when fulfilling the Great Commission.  “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed” (20:29 NIV).
             
   (Don Steffy is the lead pastor of Vintage Faith Church in Great Falls, Montana)
​This article was published in the April 2017 issue of the Evangel Magazine (page 22)