Many confusing contemporary philosophies are contributing to the disintegration of marriage and family living. The point and purpose for a happy home have been lost. Young people are confused and older people are searching. Many are looking with hope to those who have found the way into a satisfying, solid and harmonious married life.
There is compelling evidence that healthy marriage has extraordinary social and economic benefits for both parents and children. The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved.
The attempt to understand marriage, family, and intimate relationships is a relatively new field of study involving scholars from many different fields, including psychiatry, psychology, sociology, counseling, and family life education. The work of these scholars on family and relationship issues encompasses a relatively new filed known as family science.
A healthy marriage exists when each partner is strong, mature, and independent and could live without each other, but choose to live together. Stable marriages are not built on a partner’s anger, jealousy, or desire to control. Creating and maintaining a healthy marriage is the result of many factors. Healthy marriages are built from love, attraction, and compatibility. They require two people to honor, respect, and commit themselves to each other.
Despite the wreckage of marriages all around us, marriage will survive. The question is, can we make marriage all that God intended it to be when He gave it for humanity’s happiness and blessing? When we work to develop integrity, purity, wisdom and love, we are becoming more Christlike and less confined by that jumble of things we call our personality. We become better wives and husbands.
The Key To Your Spouse's Heart
How to Keep Your Marriage Healthy
It’s easy to neglect your marriage relationship. Your relationship with your spouse is vital for your family’s stability. It’s easy to fall into this trap of neglect without even knowing it. We can get caught up various things which are good things, not to be looked at as being bad. Such as:
· Our kids
· Work
· Ministry
· Outside activities
· Everyday grind of life
· Or even school
This list can be endless!
So, with that how does one keep your marriage healthy? After all, just as I said, these things I’ve mentioned are not bad things, these are necessary in life or blessings in life. But when we place all our focus on everything else, we can find ourselves losing focus on keeping our marriage relationship healthy. This can cause our marriage to slip into being unhealthy or neglected. During these times one can become detached from their spouse. Frequent arguments occur. You begin to lose your identity and worse yet you forget who your spouse is. During these time’s we need to remember that your spouse is not your enemy [1]. The enemy (devil) is your enemy. We read in 1 Peter 5:8-9, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” (NIV 1984). To keep your marriage healthy, you must stay alert. Be vigilant.
I want to share a few thoughts on how we can keep our marriage healthy.
1. Keep your Relationship with God Healthy. This one might be considered a basic thing to remember, but surprisingly it can be forgotten. The very foundation of our marriage relationship must be the relationship of the family with Jesus Christ [2]. Live a spirit led, spirit filled life. Without this, your marriage can turn into a train wreck and your family will be torn to pieces. Every day we must keep our relationship with God; our personal relationship with Christ Jesus our number one priority. Through this, we need to consistently strive to live a life of holiness and righteousness. When we strive to first seek God’s holiness and righteousness, this will flow over to our relationship with our husband/wife. Also, this will help us be better parents, ministers, co-worker, student. You name it, this will only help! The focus on your marriage relationship must come from both you and your spouse. We must submit to one another. Wives, submit to your husbands love and servanthood. Husbands you must love your wives like Jesus loves the church. Build each other up, do not tear each other down with words or poor deeds. Our roles in our marriage may be different roles but our status with God is the same. Scripture tells us that we are one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28). [3]
2. Don’t Quit Dating (or courting). When we get caught up in our everyday life activities, we find ourselves forgetting to date our spouse. Most men find themselves thinking that dating after marriage is not needed. After all, we’re married now so there is no need for dating! Time to move on to the next chapter in life! Let’s focus on work and raising a family! [4] When you are married, dating doesn’t end, it only begins! Husbands must continue to learn who his wife is not only in the physical sense but spiritually. God wants us to fully understand each other. This takes time, effort through communicating. One way to communicate is taking time as often as possible to date one another. [5]
3. Share Each Others Dreams. Share and cherish one another’s dreams. We might have different dreams and that's ok. What do I mean by this? Your spouse might want to go on a dream vacation to Hawaii. Instead of laughing at them, dream with them! If possible, do what you can to make it happen one day. Turn it into your second honeymoon (or make it your first official honeymoon if you couldn’t go on a honeymoon the first time)! Share about your dream weekend getaway, whether it be to the mountains, beach or wherever. Do your best to make your dream become a reality. For those who have children, I understand that it’s hard for some to leave your kids behind to go on a getaway with just your spouse. This could be for various reasons. Remember, if you can, everything will be ok. [6]
4. Encourage One Another. Encouragement is by far one of the best offerings within a marriage. [7] Who else should know each other’s story better than your spouse. [8] Not only that but you know full well where the enemy loves to attack your husband/wife. You know when they’re feeling down. There is no other time than this but to build them up with words of encouragement. [9] Ecclesiastes 4:10 says, “two are better than one…if one falls down his friend can pick him up.” (NIV 1984). Talk about your lives. Pray for one another. By doing this we help our spouse not to lose heart. Remember in a marriage you’re in this together, it’s not a solo act. When you have the sense that you’re in this together, it can only strengthen your marriage. This helps you to keep from making mountains out of molehills. If the kitchen floor needs swept and mopped, or the toilet paper was used up and wasn’t replaced, you don’t complain, just sweep and mop the floor or replace the toilet paper! [10]
The list can go on and on. This is by far not a comprehensive list. These are just a few tips that we should follow to keep our marriage healthy.
· Our kids
· Work
· Ministry
· Outside activities
· Everyday grind of life
· Or even school
This list can be endless!
So, with that how does one keep your marriage healthy? After all, just as I said, these things I’ve mentioned are not bad things, these are necessary in life or blessings in life. But when we place all our focus on everything else, we can find ourselves losing focus on keeping our marriage relationship healthy. This can cause our marriage to slip into being unhealthy or neglected. During these times one can become detached from their spouse. Frequent arguments occur. You begin to lose your identity and worse yet you forget who your spouse is. During these time’s we need to remember that your spouse is not your enemy [1]. The enemy (devil) is your enemy. We read in 1 Peter 5:8-9, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” (NIV 1984). To keep your marriage healthy, you must stay alert. Be vigilant.
I want to share a few thoughts on how we can keep our marriage healthy.
1. Keep your Relationship with God Healthy. This one might be considered a basic thing to remember, but surprisingly it can be forgotten. The very foundation of our marriage relationship must be the relationship of the family with Jesus Christ [2]. Live a spirit led, spirit filled life. Without this, your marriage can turn into a train wreck and your family will be torn to pieces. Every day we must keep our relationship with God; our personal relationship with Christ Jesus our number one priority. Through this, we need to consistently strive to live a life of holiness and righteousness. When we strive to first seek God’s holiness and righteousness, this will flow over to our relationship with our husband/wife. Also, this will help us be better parents, ministers, co-worker, student. You name it, this will only help! The focus on your marriage relationship must come from both you and your spouse. We must submit to one another. Wives, submit to your husbands love and servanthood. Husbands you must love your wives like Jesus loves the church. Build each other up, do not tear each other down with words or poor deeds. Our roles in our marriage may be different roles but our status with God is the same. Scripture tells us that we are one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28). [3]
2. Don’t Quit Dating (or courting). When we get caught up in our everyday life activities, we find ourselves forgetting to date our spouse. Most men find themselves thinking that dating after marriage is not needed. After all, we’re married now so there is no need for dating! Time to move on to the next chapter in life! Let’s focus on work and raising a family! [4] When you are married, dating doesn’t end, it only begins! Husbands must continue to learn who his wife is not only in the physical sense but spiritually. God wants us to fully understand each other. This takes time, effort through communicating. One way to communicate is taking time as often as possible to date one another. [5]
3. Share Each Others Dreams. Share and cherish one another’s dreams. We might have different dreams and that's ok. What do I mean by this? Your spouse might want to go on a dream vacation to Hawaii. Instead of laughing at them, dream with them! If possible, do what you can to make it happen one day. Turn it into your second honeymoon (or make it your first official honeymoon if you couldn’t go on a honeymoon the first time)! Share about your dream weekend getaway, whether it be to the mountains, beach or wherever. Do your best to make your dream become a reality. For those who have children, I understand that it’s hard for some to leave your kids behind to go on a getaway with just your spouse. This could be for various reasons. Remember, if you can, everything will be ok. [6]
4. Encourage One Another. Encouragement is by far one of the best offerings within a marriage. [7] Who else should know each other’s story better than your spouse. [8] Not only that but you know full well where the enemy loves to attack your husband/wife. You know when they’re feeling down. There is no other time than this but to build them up with words of encouragement. [9] Ecclesiastes 4:10 says, “two are better than one…if one falls down his friend can pick him up.” (NIV 1984). Talk about your lives. Pray for one another. By doing this we help our spouse not to lose heart. Remember in a marriage you’re in this together, it’s not a solo act. When you have the sense that you’re in this together, it can only strengthen your marriage. This helps you to keep from making mountains out of molehills. If the kitchen floor needs swept and mopped, or the toilet paper was used up and wasn’t replaced, you don’t complain, just sweep and mop the floor or replace the toilet paper! [10]
The list can go on and on. This is by far not a comprehensive list. These are just a few tips that we should follow to keep our marriage healthy.