Communication Skills
COMMUNICATION
BUILDS
HEALTHY
MARRIAGES
Communication is a very basic ingredient in knitting together human relationships. In marriage, whether spouses choose words, gestures or silence, they communicate all the time. When two lives have become one, somehow thoughts are filled with the other, whether one is happy or unhappy with him or her. The spouse continuously transmits and received messages to and from her wife or husband. One of the aspects of good communication is union. Marriage itself is a union of two persons so in a way, one can understand the psychological closeness of spouses. They got obsessed with the love or the anger of the criticism or the judgement or the appreciation or the indifference that comes through to them from the other spouse.[1]
In general, then, distressed couples communicate in more negative ways with one another. On the positive side, satisfied couples agree more often, and more accurately decode each other’s nonverbal behaviors. Furthermore, more satisfied couples make more positive attributions for partner behavior and engage in more positive communication.[2]
In terms of tangible things that couples can do to increase their communication satisfaction, the time couples spend “debriefing” about what happened during their day is positively related to their relational satisfaction. Therefore, increasing debriefing time at the end of the day could significantly improve relational satisfaction.[3]
Every couple needs a daily time when they can look into each other’s eyes, talk, and listen as they share life with each other. This kind of quality time spent daily is one of the most fundamental exercises a couple can do to enhance intimacy in marriage relationship.
Most people believe their lives are lived mindfully. They believe they are conscious of and purposeful in the actions they take each day. However, it may be more accurate that most of our human behavior is mindless. Motley (1992) addresses this issue regarding communication behavior, “In the interest of cognitive efficiency, most encoding decisions are made nonconsciously and automatically except when unusual circumstances serve to make one or more of the decisions conscious.” Mindless behavior plays a particularly important role in long-term relationships - like marriage – that are prone to develop patterns of behavior over time. Understanding the nature of mindlessness is particularly important to creating more mindful marital communication and changing unwanted communication patterns into effective, positive communication.[4]
Marriage is designed by God to be the most intimate of human relationships, but such intimacy cannot be obtained without wholesome responsible communication. It is therefore crucial that positive and effective communication is maintained between couples.
Clear communication leads to understanding, while unclear communication leads to confusion. Individuals come into marriage with their own unique way of communicating. They each communicate using certain rules and styles they learned through interactions with friends and family. Learning each other’s style of communication in marriage takes time and effort; however, couples must make the effort to understand how to communicate together clearly.[5]
In general, then, distressed couples communicate in more negative ways with one another. On the positive side, satisfied couples agree more often, and more accurately decode each other’s nonverbal behaviors. Furthermore, more satisfied couples make more positive attributions for partner behavior and engage in more positive communication.[2]
In terms of tangible things that couples can do to increase their communication satisfaction, the time couples spend “debriefing” about what happened during their day is positively related to their relational satisfaction. Therefore, increasing debriefing time at the end of the day could significantly improve relational satisfaction.[3]
Every couple needs a daily time when they can look into each other’s eyes, talk, and listen as they share life with each other. This kind of quality time spent daily is one of the most fundamental exercises a couple can do to enhance intimacy in marriage relationship.
Most people believe their lives are lived mindfully. They believe they are conscious of and purposeful in the actions they take each day. However, it may be more accurate that most of our human behavior is mindless. Motley (1992) addresses this issue regarding communication behavior, “In the interest of cognitive efficiency, most encoding decisions are made nonconsciously and automatically except when unusual circumstances serve to make one or more of the decisions conscious.” Mindless behavior plays a particularly important role in long-term relationships - like marriage – that are prone to develop patterns of behavior over time. Understanding the nature of mindlessness is particularly important to creating more mindful marital communication and changing unwanted communication patterns into effective, positive communication.[4]
Marriage is designed by God to be the most intimate of human relationships, but such intimacy cannot be obtained without wholesome responsible communication. It is therefore crucial that positive and effective communication is maintained between couples.
Clear communication leads to understanding, while unclear communication leads to confusion. Individuals come into marriage with their own unique way of communicating. They each communicate using certain rules and styles they learned through interactions with friends and family. Learning each other’s style of communication in marriage takes time and effort; however, couples must make the effort to understand how to communicate together clearly.[5]
Managing Conflict in your Marriage
Conflict in marriage is unavoidable. It’s not the conflict itself that can cause difficulties in a marriage, rather how the couple handles the issue(s) that caused the conflict. Successful conflict management skills will strengthen the marriage relationship. This creates a sense of trust between husband and wife as it allows communication to flow openly without a shut off valve.
Couples who are successful in managing conflict focus on the issues, rather than bashing or criticizing one another. They are successful in managing the issue, and when the issue is resolved they forgive and forget. Through these conflict resolutions couples can learn from the experience and grow closer toward one another. As time goes by, their relationship grows closer and stronger.
In Ephesians 4:26 we read: "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,” (NIV). The Apostle Paul validates the emotion of anger while warning us that anger can be dangerous if not dealt with appropriately and quickly. We can hold this scripture up to the issues of conflict in marriage. Yes, we may become angry, but it is how appropriately and how quickly we manage the conflict. If we fail to do so, the enemy can creep into the situation and turn the waters of communication toxic.
RESOURCES
Love and War
|
|
6 steps for Resolving Conflict
|