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Cross-cultural marriages and families

 ​Cross-cultural and interracial marriages have steadily grown in number in the last 20 years. A cross-cultural marriage and family usually tends to be more complex and needs a different approach from a counseling and ministry perspective. Each person goes through the process of self-identification as they move through developmental process and growth (Henricksen, 2009, 25). This does not start at adolescence or adulthood, but can be seen in the early childhood phases. “Who am I?” is a common question and thoughts that even toddlers think on as they grow in self-awareness with themselves and the world around them. For those growing up in a monocultural family, their racial and cultural identity is seamlessly tied to their own self-identity as they grow. They usually grow up surrounded by a community of like race and cultural that inform their identity. For multiple heritage couples and children, the process is more complex and self-identity is a harder to define. If their parents are from different races – which do they identify with more? Can they identify as both at the same time? For international adoptions the complexity in identity development is similar, they may be raised in a monocultural environment, but their racial identity is different and doesn’t always fit in.
            The complexity of self-identification in the development of multiple heritage individuals usually leads to increased feelings of anxiety, loneliness, and depression. A common example given is “bridge” people – people who stand on a bridge between two cultures, two races, etc. That is helpful in understanding them, but it is very isolating on that bridge by yourself. Racially, you may “fit in” with one race, but you may not fit in culturally. Culturally, you may fit in, but racially you stand out. For example, take a Chinese adoptee raised in a Caucasian American household and community. She does not fit in racially, her features point to her different birth heritage, but the only culture she knows is Caucasian. Lets say she travels to China, she may fit in racially – look similar to the others around her, but the culture, customs, language will be different and unfamiliar to her. She may feel like she never truly fits into either group – she is a bridge between the two, standing there by herself. The isolation can bring discomfort and alienation (Henricksen, 2009, 26). Language can play a big part in causing or alleviating the isolation. Language not only carries access to the culture and customs, it also adds to the conceptualization and ideas within the culture (Henricksen, 2009, 26). Many times 2nd generation and international adoptees do not grow up speaking the language of their birth which can prevent them from fully identifying with that particular culture. Root has defined 6 themes or concerns that face multiple heritage individuals. The six themes are uniqueness, acceptance and belonging, physical appearance, sexuality, self-esteem, and identity (Henricksen, 2009, 28). The uniqueness theme is woven into the other concerns.
            In relation to family and ministry, there are a number of things that pastors and congregations can be aware of with regards to the multiple heritage couples and families in their congregation. Every congregation will probably have someone who fits in these categories, whether a missionary family, an immigrant, a refugee, an international adoptee, or a biracial/cross-cultural family. Firstly, in regards to premarital counseling of biracial/cross-cultural marriages, pastors need to be aware address whatever cultural differences involved in cross-cultural marriages. Communication styles can be different with different personalities in a monocultural marriage, but with cross-cultural marriages there is at the added complexities of differing worldviews and cultures at play as well. Secondly, as one of the hardest things for multiple heritage individuals is the isolation and loneliness, the church should be the best place of refugee they can find. All are welcome in the Body of Christ and it is in the church family that they can find a family that welcomes them and makes them feel like they belong. Just as God accepts us as we are, we can accept multiple heritage individuals as they are and help them along their journey instead of Friends, mentors and pastors can help them as they move through the journey of self-identification and encourage and support them. 
Henricksen, R.C. (2009) Counseling Multiple Heritage Individuals, Couples, and
            Families.  Alexandria, VA: American Counseling Association.
 
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