Sheneka Land
Ministry with Families
Dr. Jackie Johns
Enmeshment
Relationships are key to life. Humankind was created for association and affiliation. In Genesis 2:18, we find these words: “It is not good that the man be alone.” Certainly we find that relationships can and should be healthy and beneficial, but it is important to learn how to identify relationships that are in decline and diseased by brokenness and sin. A common counseling term used to define a particular harmful relationship practice is enmeshment. Dictionary.com defines the word enmesh as: “to catch, as in a net; entangle.”
Enmeshment can develop in any relationship, but it seems to surface more in dating, marriage, parent/child, and sibling bonds. The dysfunction of enmeshment can spread like a cancer in families of origin, eating away and eroding the possibility of mutual empowerment and familial blessing.
Sharing from personal experience, I know enmeshment to be a subtle allurement for the insecure individual seeking acceptance and affirmation. People-pleasing and co-dependency lead to profound emotional perplexities and distortions that are intrinsic parts of the enmeshment web. This web can consist of only two people or any and all members of a particular family of origin. The more people involved, the deeper and tighter the entanglement becomes.
A Biblical family that immediately comes to mind is the household of Isaac and Rebekah. Foremost, we find a mother deeply enmeshed in the life of her son Jacob. Obviously, Rebekah’s attempts to “empower” her son were defined by deception and and betrayal of her son Esau and her husband Isaac. When I consider the condition of this family, I think of the old adage: “Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.” Certainly, Rebekah and Jacob wove quite a tangled web of enmeshment that leaves us with a tragic family narrative.
In the story of Rebekah, we discover a parent with a desire to control rather than empower her family. Healthy separation of adult child from parent, defined by clear boundaries, did not occur within this family. Because healthy separation did not occur, there was an eventual and painful separation that transpired as the family tragedy played out.
How can we as Christian families steer clear of enmeshment? Foremost, it is imperative to become informed of the dangers of enmeshment and the factors within our individual families that could lead to the possibilities of this malignant, familial breakdown. It is important to analyze our own family systems by examining the role-play and behaviors of each family member. We must be honest with ourselves regarding wrong behaviors and forthright with our family members so as to bring correction and health to our relationships.
As Christian families, our goal is to walk in freedom and power as we are empowered by Christ Jesus. As we become more like Him in word and deed, I believe that we will function in strength and soundness of mind and spirit, and the threat of enmeshment in our relationships can be highly diminished.
Ministry with Families
Dr. Jackie Johns
Enmeshment
Relationships are key to life. Humankind was created for association and affiliation. In Genesis 2:18, we find these words: “It is not good that the man be alone.” Certainly we find that relationships can and should be healthy and beneficial, but it is important to learn how to identify relationships that are in decline and diseased by brokenness and sin. A common counseling term used to define a particular harmful relationship practice is enmeshment. Dictionary.com defines the word enmesh as: “to catch, as in a net; entangle.”
Enmeshment can develop in any relationship, but it seems to surface more in dating, marriage, parent/child, and sibling bonds. The dysfunction of enmeshment can spread like a cancer in families of origin, eating away and eroding the possibility of mutual empowerment and familial blessing.
Sharing from personal experience, I know enmeshment to be a subtle allurement for the insecure individual seeking acceptance and affirmation. People-pleasing and co-dependency lead to profound emotional perplexities and distortions that are intrinsic parts of the enmeshment web. This web can consist of only two people or any and all members of a particular family of origin. The more people involved, the deeper and tighter the entanglement becomes.
A Biblical family that immediately comes to mind is the household of Isaac and Rebekah. Foremost, we find a mother deeply enmeshed in the life of her son Jacob. Obviously, Rebekah’s attempts to “empower” her son were defined by deception and and betrayal of her son Esau and her husband Isaac. When I consider the condition of this family, I think of the old adage: “Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.” Certainly, Rebekah and Jacob wove quite a tangled web of enmeshment that leaves us with a tragic family narrative.
In the story of Rebekah, we discover a parent with a desire to control rather than empower her family. Healthy separation of adult child from parent, defined by clear boundaries, did not occur within this family. Because healthy separation did not occur, there was an eventual and painful separation that transpired as the family tragedy played out.
How can we as Christian families steer clear of enmeshment? Foremost, it is imperative to become informed of the dangers of enmeshment and the factors within our individual families that could lead to the possibilities of this malignant, familial breakdown. It is important to analyze our own family systems by examining the role-play and behaviors of each family member. We must be honest with ourselves regarding wrong behaviors and forthright with our family members so as to bring correction and health to our relationships.
As Christian families, our goal is to walk in freedom and power as we are empowered by Christ Jesus. As we become more like Him in word and deed, I believe that we will function in strength and soundness of mind and spirit, and the threat of enmeshment in our relationships can be highly diminished.