Language of Love
Raheel Rizvi
Building intimacy in family relationships is one of the most important yet one of the most difficult tasks to do well. Sharing honestly about what is going on internally places one in a vulnerable position. Therefore, the family must be a safe place for members to share themselves. When two people communicate they share a certain degree of power during the conversation.
Achieving intimacy is more complex in marriage and family life today than it was in the past. A number of characteristics of modern society have increased the sense of alienation and loneliness. Expressing love is important for all relationships. Just as mutual commitment (covenant) is the basis of secure bonding, communication is the basis for intimacy. Communication is a two-way street.
The expression of love can be communicated nonverbally as well as verbally. Non-verbal communication includes: touch, gestures, facial expression, eye contact, distance, and overall body positioning. Touch is an essential part of the human experience. For the most part, women are very clear on which types of touch they give and receive. There are gender differences in how we communicate. Sometimes these filter our current communication efforts to the point that healthy communication is avoided in the name of doing what most women or men would do in the situation.
Fear is very destructive to relationships. Fear is like a loud speaker of an emotion that can drown out reason and other emotions that pertain to our relationships. It is easy to respond to and often hard to understand. Fear can shut open communication completely off. In another words “Manage your fears or they will manage you.”
The depth and dimensions of love are communicated by body language, physical actions, symbolic gestures, and written and oral communication. Although all expressions of love are wonderful, the whole package develops the deepest capacity for knowing and being known.
Five Key Languages of Love in Marital Relationships:
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.” (Ephesians 5:25)
This expresses the type of love husbands are to have for their wives. It is agape love which is unconditional. It seeks to benefit the wife at whatever the cost.
Achieving intimacy is more complex in marriage and family life today than it was in the past. A number of characteristics of modern society have increased the sense of alienation and loneliness. Expressing love is important for all relationships. Just as mutual commitment (covenant) is the basis of secure bonding, communication is the basis for intimacy. Communication is a two-way street.
The expression of love can be communicated nonverbally as well as verbally. Non-verbal communication includes: touch, gestures, facial expression, eye contact, distance, and overall body positioning. Touch is an essential part of the human experience. For the most part, women are very clear on which types of touch they give and receive. There are gender differences in how we communicate. Sometimes these filter our current communication efforts to the point that healthy communication is avoided in the name of doing what most women or men would do in the situation.
Fear is very destructive to relationships. Fear is like a loud speaker of an emotion that can drown out reason and other emotions that pertain to our relationships. It is easy to respond to and often hard to understand. Fear can shut open communication completely off. In another words “Manage your fears or they will manage you.”
The depth and dimensions of love are communicated by body language, physical actions, symbolic gestures, and written and oral communication. Although all expressions of love are wonderful, the whole package develops the deepest capacity for knowing and being known.
Five Key Languages of Love in Marital Relationships:
- Words of Affirmation/Appreciation.
- Quality Time.
- Receiving Gifts.
- Acts of Service.
- Physical Touch.
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.” (Ephesians 5:25)
This expresses the type of love husbands are to have for their wives. It is agape love which is unconditional. It seeks to benefit the wife at whatever the cost.
Sheneka Land
Ministry With Families
Dr. Jackie Johns
Effective Pre-marital Counseling
For those in love and entering into a marriage relationship, pre-marital counseling may seem to be unnecessary. After all, doesn’t love conquer all? But the wise pastor and/or counselor will seek to help the pre-marital couple establish relationship boundaries within and without the marriage so as to create and enhance true intimacy. Without proper boundaries, a marriage will suffer immensely and in many instances will completely dissolve.
Extreme care and caution should be exercised by the counselor who is giving marital guidance to teen individuals considering matrimony. Because mental and emotional maturity has not yet reached fruition, situations can occur that can quickly lead to marital disintegration. Furthermore, parental involvement can become problematic because parents feel it justifiable to involve themselves in the marriage relationship because the couple is still young and immature.
However, parental and family involvement can become a matter of contention regardless of the ages of the couple. This explains why it is imperative that the pre-marital counselor stresses the need for a married couple to create partial disengagement from parents, relatives, and close friends. To “leave and cleave” is critical to the success and happiness within marriage.
This thought introduces us to the term, spouse-only issues, which refers to the need to identify those things which are to be discussed and handled privately and exclusively by the married couple. Certain conversations should never occur outside the marriage relationship. It is imperative that the pre-marital counselor assist the couple in determining the specifics of those conversations and that he or she helps the couple decide how they will create healthy boundaries to protect the sacredness and privacy of those conversations.
Pre-marital counseling should include warnings regarding the pitfalls that often lead to divorce. Divorce offers irreconcilable differences as common grounds for divorce; however, couples can be counseled to accept some marital situations as irresolvable. In other words, differences in personality and personal opinions do not need to separate a married couple. Acceptance, cohabitation, love, and happiness can still exist and even thrive despite differences and disagreements within marriage.
In Sociology of the Family, the authors utilize a term called marital entropy which is defined as “the principle that if a marriage does not receive preventative maintenance and upgrades, it will move towards decay and breakdown.” Counselors should communicate to the couple that no marriage relationship is constant bliss; rather, marriage requires work in order to build permanence and strength. Pre-marital counseling should include the fact that good marriages don’t “just happen” and the burden of marital quality falls on both spouses.
Effective pre-marital counseling can do much toward preventing marital stress and dysfunction. Parents, friends, and spiritual leadership should encourage couples to engage in this worthy practice to enhance family living on all levels.
Ministry With Families
Dr. Jackie Johns
Effective Pre-marital Counseling
For those in love and entering into a marriage relationship, pre-marital counseling may seem to be unnecessary. After all, doesn’t love conquer all? But the wise pastor and/or counselor will seek to help the pre-marital couple establish relationship boundaries within and without the marriage so as to create and enhance true intimacy. Without proper boundaries, a marriage will suffer immensely and in many instances will completely dissolve.
Extreme care and caution should be exercised by the counselor who is giving marital guidance to teen individuals considering matrimony. Because mental and emotional maturity has not yet reached fruition, situations can occur that can quickly lead to marital disintegration. Furthermore, parental involvement can become problematic because parents feel it justifiable to involve themselves in the marriage relationship because the couple is still young and immature.
However, parental and family involvement can become a matter of contention regardless of the ages of the couple. This explains why it is imperative that the pre-marital counselor stresses the need for a married couple to create partial disengagement from parents, relatives, and close friends. To “leave and cleave” is critical to the success and happiness within marriage.
This thought introduces us to the term, spouse-only issues, which refers to the need to identify those things which are to be discussed and handled privately and exclusively by the married couple. Certain conversations should never occur outside the marriage relationship. It is imperative that the pre-marital counselor assist the couple in determining the specifics of those conversations and that he or she helps the couple decide how they will create healthy boundaries to protect the sacredness and privacy of those conversations.
Pre-marital counseling should include warnings regarding the pitfalls that often lead to divorce. Divorce offers irreconcilable differences as common grounds for divorce; however, couples can be counseled to accept some marital situations as irresolvable. In other words, differences in personality and personal opinions do not need to separate a married couple. Acceptance, cohabitation, love, and happiness can still exist and even thrive despite differences and disagreements within marriage.
In Sociology of the Family, the authors utilize a term called marital entropy which is defined as “the principle that if a marriage does not receive preventative maintenance and upgrades, it will move towards decay and breakdown.” Counselors should communicate to the couple that no marriage relationship is constant bliss; rather, marriage requires work in order to build permanence and strength. Pre-marital counseling should include the fact that good marriages don’t “just happen” and the burden of marital quality falls on both spouses.
Effective pre-marital counseling can do much toward preventing marital stress and dysfunction. Parents, friends, and spiritual leadership should encourage couples to engage in this worthy practice to enhance family living on all levels.