Sheneka Land
Ministry With Families
Dr. Jackie Johns
Listen to Me: The Fundamentals of Effective
Communications for Families
In most relationships, arguing is considered to be a counteractive experience. Contrary to this belief, arguing oft times leads to conflict resolution when done within proper boundaries and when mutual respect is exercised. Families can grow in grace together as they learn to honor each other and to regard one another’s values. Honor and value go hand-in-hand within healthy, flourishing relationships.
An argument can become a language of love as family members learn to disagree and resolve difficult relationship issues in ways that cause all involved to feel as if their needs are being addressed. There should be no “loser” in a family argument. Rather, each person should become aware and connected to their personal inner issues that need to be exposed, so that core areas of concern and familial dysfunction can be properly addressed.
When each family member becomes fixated on his or her own thoughts, feelings, and desires, authentic communication cannot take place. One must begin to think and act outside of themselves. The goal is not to win an argument or to control the relationship; rather, the objective is to bring clarity and wholeness to the relationship.
An essential skill for effective family communication is to become adept in knowing the love language and communication style of each family member. Too often, family members communicate on only one level..their own. This way of communicating is synonomous with harsh authority and dominance, which is in complete contrast with building up, rather than tearing down.
Family members, whether immediate or extended, are responsible to learn effective words and actions that empower and commission their loved ones. In I Corinthians 13:10, the Apostle Paul clearly concludes his letter to the Corinthians with words of concern that he build them up rather than present himself as a rigid authoritarian. Paul says, “This is why I write these things when I am absent, that when I come I may not have to be harsh in my use of authority—the authority the Lord gave me for building you up, not for tearing you down.” Paul was given authority to empower and encourage the Corinthians; not so he could claim and relish his rights as an authority figure. Paul desired to speak their love language; words that they would understand as loving and nurturing.
Family members often ask their loved ones to listen to them without verbiage. They want them to listen to their hearts by observing their emotional responses with the eyes; but most especially with the heart. Sure, we need to listen with our ears (which most of us don’t do too well because we are more interested in our own words), but in order to understand and speak in languages of love, family members must rise above personal obsessions with authority and being “right” within family conflicts.
Some degree of conflict will always exist in all relationships. When all members of any family unit come to understand this fact and learn to act in love and maturity toward one another, healthy communication can become an on-going practice that will lead to nurturing, loving, and empowering family relationships that can extend into future generations.
Ministry With Families
Dr. Jackie Johns
Listen to Me: The Fundamentals of Effective
Communications for Families
In most relationships, arguing is considered to be a counteractive experience. Contrary to this belief, arguing oft times leads to conflict resolution when done within proper boundaries and when mutual respect is exercised. Families can grow in grace together as they learn to honor each other and to regard one another’s values. Honor and value go hand-in-hand within healthy, flourishing relationships.
An argument can become a language of love as family members learn to disagree and resolve difficult relationship issues in ways that cause all involved to feel as if their needs are being addressed. There should be no “loser” in a family argument. Rather, each person should become aware and connected to their personal inner issues that need to be exposed, so that core areas of concern and familial dysfunction can be properly addressed.
When each family member becomes fixated on his or her own thoughts, feelings, and desires, authentic communication cannot take place. One must begin to think and act outside of themselves. The goal is not to win an argument or to control the relationship; rather, the objective is to bring clarity and wholeness to the relationship.
An essential skill for effective family communication is to become adept in knowing the love language and communication style of each family member. Too often, family members communicate on only one level..their own. This way of communicating is synonomous with harsh authority and dominance, which is in complete contrast with building up, rather than tearing down.
Family members, whether immediate or extended, are responsible to learn effective words and actions that empower and commission their loved ones. In I Corinthians 13:10, the Apostle Paul clearly concludes his letter to the Corinthians with words of concern that he build them up rather than present himself as a rigid authoritarian. Paul says, “This is why I write these things when I am absent, that when I come I may not have to be harsh in my use of authority—the authority the Lord gave me for building you up, not for tearing you down.” Paul was given authority to empower and encourage the Corinthians; not so he could claim and relish his rights as an authority figure. Paul desired to speak their love language; words that they would understand as loving and nurturing.
Family members often ask their loved ones to listen to them without verbiage. They want them to listen to their hearts by observing their emotional responses with the eyes; but most especially with the heart. Sure, we need to listen with our ears (which most of us don’t do too well because we are more interested in our own words), but in order to understand and speak in languages of love, family members must rise above personal obsessions with authority and being “right” within family conflicts.
Some degree of conflict will always exist in all relationships. When all members of any family unit come to understand this fact and learn to act in love and maturity toward one another, healthy communication can become an on-going practice that will lead to nurturing, loving, and empowering family relationships that can extend into future generations.